08.16.08
Burying the Past
I find it soooooo difficult to simply let go of the past and look towards the future.
A self-analysis, which I highly recommend everyone do on a regular basis, uncovered my need to constantly refer to the past for insight into the present and future. It comes so naturally to me you know. Just the need to look back like a safety net to make sure the past doesn’t repeat itself. Now the question I pause before is whether or not my past is keeping me from my future? I say no, because it isn’t as if I dwell on it. I reflect and move on. I identify the lesson learned in the past then move towards the future.
Love is a very delicate part of life. One needs to be wise in who they choose to share their lives with–the good, bad, and the ugly. One needs to give a mate serious thought and fair consideration before accepting to go for the journey together. I would like to think I’ve made wise decisions although at times I have admitted to myself that I was naive to this dating business and have my own regrets. The most important thing that I have come to realize over time as I have matured, there were lessons to unearth.
I am not the same person today that I was then. The mistakes I made with my first boyfriend aren’t the same that I made with my last. I’ve evolved as everyone does in a relationship.
Burying the past is not as easy as it may sound. It’s not like you throw your history and those involved six feet under and throw dirt on it. As humans, we have emotions tied to different memories. Leaving the past takes a lot of time and energy. You cannot rid yourself of years, months, weeks, or days in a matter of seconds. It doesn’t work that way. Many of us have failed to come to this conclusion and wander around upset and confused. The sooner you can accept that you need to meditate or take some alone time to organize your thoughts and emotions, the sooner you can move on with your life to the next big thing.
Another questions comes to mind. Can one truly leave the past knowing all that I have previously mentioned? Our minds are like treasure chests, even though we throw them into the deepest sea, any shift in the tide can easily allow this chest full of hurt and pain at the sound of a voice, aroma, or even a familiar place.
We can never forget our past, but we can offer ourselves closure. Closure is crucial to one’s own heart between relationships. Both parties need to be honest with themselves and each other creating a fair environment where new feelings can be explored. The last place you want to be is in an imbalanced relationship where you love more than you have been loved. I hope I haven’t lost you but think about it. How disappointed would you be if you were madly in love with someone who still thinks about what could have been with so and so? Yikes!
Face your past and make peace with it. Remember to take the lessons learned and improve on your future. Realize that you will never forget your past, but it must not hamper you from living your present and reaching your future.
12.24.07
Me, Myself, and I
Single in New York is taboo. If you are single, female, over 30, and living in a urban city…well you’re screwed. I apologize if that sounds harsh but it’s a reality. Women are hustling and bustling and tucking this and that to attract a man and for the wrong reasons. Many women, especially those past their 30s, are scared of being alone. As they get older in age, their chances of catching a man just like their rate of fertility are slim. Can you blame them?
Women have always been told that they should have found their Prince Charming by the time they reach college. Unfortunately for many of us, the storyline didn’t follow suit. I am a college graduate still searching for my Prince Charming. A funny idea came to mind, does he even exist? Is he like Santa Claus or the Irish leprechauns that are fictional characters.
I was in a relationship for almost three years, my longest, and I found that it was a struggle to adjust to being a single gal again. Me, Myself, and I was not the easiest status to accept after being “table for two” or “a couple” for so long. I had a partner to go everywhere and do everything with me. Now that I ended the relationship, it was all gone. As always, I am not the norm and refuse to be, because I was never suited to be a follower, to be a conformist. What do I mean? Well, although I’m single, I’m rarely home and no it’s not because I work crazy hours. I was a homebody in a former life and now I love to be out with friends. Just choose an activity to do and call up some friends and enjoy yourself. Granted, we all have our own lives to lead and may not be able to meet up at the same time to hang out well then hang with yourself.
We need to change the way society classifies singles. Single people do not need to be chaperoned to the movies or to dinner. We do not need a companion to go for a walk or treat themselves to a day of beauty or whatever else. Being single is not pathetic if you’re over 30 and it does not mean you’re screwed either. I have found that this generation is finding it harder and harder to settle at the age of 30 or younger. Our parents got married in their late 20s. Nowadays, many of us don’t even have marriage, family, and the idea of settling down on the horizons because we are still trying to make the best of our youth, changing careers, becoming entrepreneurs, or traveling the world. The 30s are now the new 20s.
So ladies if you’re 30 and above, don’t worry…Mr. tall, dark, and handsome might not be around the corner but he is on his way on his own time. In the meantime, don’t stay home pacing back and forth wondering what’s wrong with you. Go out and enjoy your own company. Be sure to remember that a man loves a woman who is comfortable with herself, independent, and not clingy (in other words…you have a life separate from him.)
10.10.07
Table for One
Why is it so hard for me to accept the fact that I am once again single? Why do these thoughts continue to pass through my mind? Is there something wrong with not having a man? Why can’t I just be happy being by myself? Maybe it’s because I have always had a need for someone to be with me. Do I love myself? The funny thing is I don’t even think I want to answer that question because I’m afraid of the answer.
It’s never enough. I set standards so high that they are unreachable at times. Yet I get so easily frustrated when I don’t. Does it even make sense? I want to cry. I want love. I miss it. I need it. I can’t live without it. I keep thinking about my last ex-boyfriend. Should we reconcile or should I be strong enough and keep away? It’s not easy. My heart is so confused. I am hurting why can’t anyone see?
Since I started dating I have never been alone for this long. I have been out of a relationship for over a year and it’s not getting any easier. I keep thinking about the past, reliving old memories and emotions. I miss it all.
I am really trying this whole trust thing. Trust God first and he’ll take care of the rest. Trusting God to get these things done is not an easy thing to do. I am trying so hard but I can’t help but wonder what lies ahead for my heart. I have constantly been in control. I don’t know what to expect. Will I ever find him? Do I know him already?A Where is he? Am I ready? Will I ever get over my last ex-boyfriend? I don’t know the answers to these questions and that’s what scares me the most. The fact that I don’t know concerns me. When will these answers be revealed? I don’t know, only time will tell.
07.30.07
True Friendship
What is a friend? The word, “friend” to me is synonymous with reliability, counsel, advisor, dependent, a listener, understanding.
It’s funny how you learn who your true friends are when you’re going through a rough patch. Friends are supposed to stick by you and provide their support (even if it means seeing your most vulnerable side.)
Honestly, I am going to quote my ex-boyfriend and say that I have alot of associates and few friends. We toss that word around so lightly when it weighs so much in times of crisis.
I have been at war with myself and the many activities that have kept me occupied for the last seven months. I have won a few battles but the war is not yet won.
I found at times that I wanted to be myself and say goodbye to the world, but friends wouldn’t let me. Here’s the funny thing about that. I have always learned to be dependent on myself, because I have been disappointed too many times.
These friends were friends at first and then became associates. My biggest gripe about needing someone when you’re down is that people think problems just disappear after 24 hours. It just doesn’t work that way. You can’t be a half-assed friend. There is no such thing, at least not when it comes to me. If you’re going to be a friend, you need to know what the qualifications are before you take the job.
It’s not always glamorous, very difficult, requires a high level of tolerance, patience, and understanding. There are too many characteristics to list, but if you have all of those qualities then you’re on the right step to true friendship.
My friends, you know who you are, have heard and seen me cry. You have never judged me, always remained optimistic, and patient when I was stubborn.
I love you always and thanks.
07.14.07
Friends Forever?
Remember those high school days when you used to roam the hallways with your clique. You went everywhere and did everything together. Completely inseparable. Always promised to stay friends forever. Surprise, surprise many of you don’t even talk anymore.
I have always been the type of person that tried her best to keep in contact with everyone, especially with the numbers I have stored in my cell phone book.
This week, I got bored and decided to send out numerous text messages that said, ” hey stranger, long time no hear.” I got responses almost immediately. Yea so I cheated and didn’t make a phone call. No one has time anymore for traditional communication. It’s all about being on the go and communicating quickly. Phone calls just don’t cut it anymore, I smiled and thought to myself. Just a quick message that took less than five minutes to send out, I was able to get updates on everyone. Funny thing is a few of them actually called me.
I had a conversation with one of them and it felt to odd. We lost touch for so many years that we were practically strangers. It felt great to reconnect and share good news.
Why is it so hard to keep in contact with one another? Why is it so hard to keep friends versus making them? I love facebook and myspace. As a member of both, I find it easier to keep tabs on my friends. Sad but true, I depend on those sites to keep me posted and everyone else (who cares to know) posted on my whereabouts.
Friends forever? Hmm…did we really mean it when we said to each other as we parted ways after graduation? I know I did. Many of us probably did. We just never realized how busy our lives would get when we accepted our place in a hectic society.
Make an effort to reach out to those you once called friends. Find the time to catch up, you never know when that person will save you when you’re in a tight pinch.
