12.24.07
Me, Myself, and I
Single in New York is taboo. If you are single, female, over 30, and living in a urban city…well you’re screwed. I apologize if that sounds harsh but it’s a reality. Women are hustling and bustling and tucking this and that to attract a man and for the wrong reasons. Many women, especially those past their 30s, are scared of being alone. As they get older in age, their chances of catching a man just like their rate of fertility are slim. Can you blame them?
Women have always been told that they should have found their Prince Charming by the time they reach college. Unfortunately for many of us, the storyline didn’t follow suit. I am a college graduate still searching for my Prince Charming. A funny idea came to mind, does he even exist? Is he like Santa Claus or the Irish leprechauns that are fictional characters.
I was in a relationship for almost three years, my longest, and I found that it was a struggle to adjust to being a single gal again. Me, Myself, and I was not the easiest status to accept after being “table for two” or “a couple” for so long. I had a partner to go everywhere and do everything with me. Now that I ended the relationship, it was all gone. As always, I am not the norm and refuse to be, because I was never suited to be a follower, to be a conformist. What do I mean? Well, although I’m single, I’m rarely home and no it’s not because I work crazy hours. I was a homebody in a former life and now I love to be out with friends. Just choose an activity to do and call up some friends and enjoy yourself. Granted, we all have our own lives to lead and may not be able to meet up at the same time to hang out well then hang with yourself.
We need to change the way society classifies singles. Single people do not need to be chaperoned to the movies or to dinner. We do not need a companion to go for a walk or treat themselves to a day of beauty or whatever else. Being single is not pathetic if you’re over 30 and it does not mean you’re screwed either. I have found that this generation is finding it harder and harder to settle at the age of 30 or younger. Our parents got married in their late 20s. Nowadays, many of us don’t even have marriage, family, and the idea of settling down on the horizons because we are still trying to make the best of our youth, changing careers, becoming entrepreneurs, or traveling the world. The 30s are now the new 20s.
So ladies if you’re 30 and above, don’t worry…Mr. tall, dark, and handsome might not be around the corner but he is on his way on his own time. In the meantime, don’t stay home pacing back and forth wondering what’s wrong with you. Go out and enjoy your own company. Be sure to remember that a man loves a woman who is comfortable with herself, independent, and not clingy (in other words…you have a life separate from him.)
10.22.07
It’s Over
It’s a damn shame when you see two women fighting over a man. Where’s the dignity and self-confidence? Take for instance the video, “The Boy is Mine” starring Brandy and Monica. These two beautiful ladies arguing about a guy. In this situation, however the guy was a player. Is it validation that you’re seeking? The sad reality is when two women argue over a man, the only winner is the man who usually is not worthy. Where is the sisterhood? Let’s take a look!
I can understand why one would feel the need to fight to keep a man especially since we pretty much outnumber them eight to one, but to embarrass yourself–now that is another story.
Although I have never fought over a man because it’s child’s play, ridiculous, and quite demeaning, I have heard and seen it happen. I just can’t understand why a woman would even bother with it except if she was INSECURE with herself.
Insecurity, whether we choose to accept it or not, puts us in vulnerable positions which lead to senseless behavior.
We are all grown, well at least I would like to think so, and that means we need to get over ourselves.
If a significant other chooses not to love us anymore then let it go. Harassing and stalking the person and embarassing yourself by looking pathetic is not going to increase your chances of rekindling the old flame. It will only push him or her further away. I mean think about it for a second.
Can you imagine yourself returning to your boyfriend or girlfriend after he or she has called you over five times and constantly interrogates you as if you were a criminal? I don’t think so. If you yourself were in your right frame of mind, you would assume that this person has lost his or her damn mind and you need to keep your distance for your own safety.
In the end, your unacceptable behavior adds to the list of other issues that arose in the relationship which led to its demise.
03.18.07
Women are Vicious?
I have heard that men are from Mars and women from Venus, but the words “women” and ”vicious” in the same sentence? I don’t think so. I’m not biased because I am a woman. It’s a matter of fact. Women are NOT vicious.
A friend of the opposite sex and I have been arguing this point for the entirety of a week. In case you were wondering, it was not because we had nothing better to do. When you really think about it, there are some pretty good arguments ranging from creation and a religious aspect to natural phenomenon.
You can disagree but in my opinion he was quite sexist while in his eyes I was a feminist. You be the judge!
It has been a very trying hurricane season. There was Hurricane Katrina, then out of nowhere came Hurricane Rita, can’t forget Hurricane Stan who wanted a piece of the action. According to my friend, a majority of the hurricanes have been named after women for the simple fact that we are destructive. False! Hurricanes have been named after both sexes. There are not as many women in the meteorology field to compete against the men who have dominated that field. Hence, the hurricane names seem to be named after women. The naming of hurricanes has nothing to do with sex. Hurricanes aren’t human.
God is a man and the devil is a woman. False! No human has actually seen either of the two. Though we placed both beings in the male species, no one has any proof to confirm it as a fact.
Women have been taking from men since the beginning of time. Eve took the rib from Adam and since then we’ve been known to take your house, car, money, children, jobs, and dignity. False! Yes, Eve was formed from the rib that God took from Adam but that doesn’t mean that we have that need to claim other people’s property implanted into our XX chromosome. If we earned it, then why not claim it?
Eve ate a fruit and gave it to her husband, Adam. She didn’t know what she did and because of that act, they were kicked out of the garden. Women are responsible for men’s downfall. I am so tired of hearing this. Men let it go! You’re wrong. We’re equally responsible. She went off and did what she did, but no one put a gun to your head and told you to eat the fruit. They shared the responsibility. Accept it!
Men show more emotion and fall in love harder than women. HA! Since when? Women have always been the ones shedding those tears in their pillows night after night. Men have always been the ones to hold back their emotions to avoid being called a punk or any less of a man. How many times have women been dying to hear those words but were the first to say, ”I love you” and have the man look at them and say, “ok” or “cool”, maybe even “thanks”.
So you want to be a priest, because women can’t be trusted. It is common knowledge that relationships are emotionally draining. Both men and women face the heartache of a breakup. Nowadays, women have no other choice. You can either get hurt or put that armor on and prepare for a battle of the fittest. Men can’t be trusted either. It’s unfair that women are called derogatory terms if they have more than one guy while men who have more than one gal pal are congratulated and crowned a “player”.
The hottest songs on the air are about breaking up Keyshia Cole’s (I Just Want It) To Be Over or cheating on your man Cole’s I Should Have Cheated meaning that women are not as into relationships as men are. When it comes to songs, it’s all about what sells. Happiness doesn’t really cut it in the music industry. There are some exceptions, but not too many are out there. People want something they can genuinely relate to such as heartache, being cheated on, anything dealing with loss. Women are tired of being taken advantage of not to say that men aren’t used too. Women are usually the primary victims in anything. Therefore they are the ones who usually sing about misery while men sing about having multiple women like R. Kelly’s Playas Only feat. The Game.
Back to the whole, “women are taking all of our jobs”. “It’s their sex appeal”. No! If that were the case, that environment would soon become sexual harassment. Women have taken “all” of the jobs to make up for lost time. Women have been overlooked for positions in which they were qualified but rejected for gender reasons. Not anymore. Times are changing. Even if we were taking over, how many CEOs are women? If that number is over 10 maybe even 15, then get back to me.
“When I come home, I expect my woman to be cooking my dinner over the stove wearing something attractive. After a hard day of work, do you really expect your wife to be energetic enough to think about how to please you? If you’re nodding your head yes, then come back to reality. She worked a 9-5 job just like you, has to pick up the 5 kids you wanted, cook dinner, and maintain the household. When was the last time you gave her a well-deserved massage for the time she puts in each day? I love NBC’s Mister Mom, Fox’s Nanny 911, and ABC’s Supernanny & Wife Swap. All of these shows give husbands a taste of what their wives go through while running a household on a daily basis. I applaud the creators of these shows. Compromise. Take turns taking care of the household or share the responsibilities and you would both get what you want out of it.
I challenge someone, anyone to disagree with me. Bring on the arguments. I encourage it.
previously published in the Brooklyn College Kingsman 10-3-05
Christian Women
Women, especially CHRISTIAN women, are not representing. Now what do I mean by representing? When you “claim” that you are a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N, you are associating yourself with Jesus Christ, our Savior. It’s a sad reality that we need to really check ourselves.
Take a long, hard look at yourselves in the mirror. Look at what you’re wearing. Are your clothes too tight? Skirt too short? Shirt too low-cut? If you answered yes to all then you are undressed. If you answered yes to even one of them, you’ve still got a problem. How do you expect to draw men and women to God when they can’t take their eyes off you? It’s not a compliment. How are they supposed to actually listen to your testimony for God let alone believe a word you have to say when you’re dressed like everyone else on the street? You are dressed like the world. You don’t stand out. You are unique. God made each and every one of us differently. We are skilled in so many ways but why do we all act the same. Why do we think the same? Wearing tight and short clothes, or not enough does not help your image. Let me repeat myself, when you wear those clothes, you send out the WRONG message, attract the WRONG men, and misrepresent both yourself and your God.
What are you going to do about your self-image? How are you going to upgrade your self-worth? Think about it!
previously published in the Brooklyn College Kingsman 3/26/07 and www.blessedsha.org
